On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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