how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
