its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
