You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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