That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
