I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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