Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
as a side note pls kill me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
