FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
