i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
