is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
