I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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