is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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