just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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