Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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