so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
