i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
