hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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