Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
