I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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