Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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