she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
