I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
