He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
