so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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