You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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