i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sext me about skeletons
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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