i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
