when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
