i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
