He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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