The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
