dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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