Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
