I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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