that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
