I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
