I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
