you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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