look no pants
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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