i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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