Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
