did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize