Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
