So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
