Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If I die, sorry about rent.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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