3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
