I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
