I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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