I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
