genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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