we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
