No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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