Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Vodka?
Forever.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
