Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
