just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize