u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
