i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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