Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How does one acquire holy water?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
