apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
