I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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