dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
