She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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