You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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