Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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