She is in my trunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
