thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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