she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize