I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
