He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
