the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize