your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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