im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my shit smells like andre
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize