Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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