We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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