woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just puked most of my soul out..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
