I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
