Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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