is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
