did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
