Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You are the jesus of drinking
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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