respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
