I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
