I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
