It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
