Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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